Welcome to Day 10 of Blogmas.

Today’s entry is brought to you by:

Germs, chaos, holiday energy, and the sinking realization that my class might – MIGHT – be plotting my demise without even knowing it.

Let’s set the stage.

It’s December in an elementary school.

Which means:

• every child is 78% mucus
• they’re vibrating with Santa-based adrenaline
• half of them are coughing like Dickensian street urchins
• the other half are ignoring you because their brain is chanting “CANDY CANES! PRESENTS! ELF ON THE SHELF!”
• and everyone’s immune system is on an emotional leave of absence

Yesterday: The Downfall Begins

Only 4 out of 7 kids in my class came to school yesterday.

At least on arrival we had 4.

By 10 AM, we’re down to 3 because one child tapped out and went home sick.

You would THINK that three kids would be safe. Calmer. Less likely to obliterate my immune system.

And yet…these children said:

“Let’s cough directly in Ms. Ashley’s FACE like we’re trying to launch her soul out of her body from sheer trauma.”

I’m talking:

• raw coughing
• wet sneezing
• open-mouthed gargoyle breathing
• the kind of snot that should come with a content warning
• absolutely ZERO attempts at covering anything

At one point, Child A leaned in, coughed directly into my eyeballs, and said:

“I had a diarrhea accident this morning.”

Sir.

Sir????

WHY ARE YOU HERE????

I almost walked right out.

Needless to say, I got infected. Immediately. The germs did a speedrun through my bloodstream.

Today: The Sequel No One Asked For

We’re back to 6 out of 7. A miracle! A blessing! A nightmare!

Because 5 out of the 6 are still coughing like they’re auditioning for a Victorian orphan choir.

By 9 AM, I had a mucus boulder lodged in my throat.

By 12, my entire body hurt like I did CrossFit for five hours straight.

Right now?

I’m blogging from my couch feeling like the heroine of a tragic 1800s novel. At this point, I’ve washed my hands 53 times and used more hand sanitizer than the CDC recommends.

The Hug Ban of 2025-2026

My response to these little germicidal children?

I have declared a hug ban until March 31.

March is far enough away that the germs will have migrated to another dimension by then.

If you want affection from me before spring, you’re only getting a fist bump.

Final Thoughts From the Brink of Death

Do I love my students?

Yes.

Would I sacrifice myself for them?

Also yes.

Are they unintentionally killing me one cough at a time?

ABSOLUTELY.

Elementary school during December is not for the weak. It’s a battlefield. A test of will. A Hunger Games arena except the tributes are adorable, sticky, and unaware of your mortality.

Please send:

• soup
• cough drops
• vitamin C
• prayers
• hazmat suits
• and more PTO

Tune in for Blogmas Day 11 tomorrow!

(If I’m still alive.)